A mom writes in asking for advice about getting her grown stepchildren to fend for themselves. This mom says she tragically lost her own daughter, but she raised her husband’s two children. She says one of those children, now aged 22, brought his girlfriend home to this mom’s home. She says they proceeded to do literally nothing except lay in bed and watch TV. They did not get jobs or help around the house. Their unhygienic habits caused an infestation of bugs that cost $2000 to fix. How can this mom help her stepchild and his girlfriend learn to fend for themselves and “move on with life.”
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A member of the community asks:
"How can you get grown children to fend for themselves?
I have a daughter that passed away. I married a man with two children. I raised the children. One of the kids, now 22, brought his girlfriend over because she was kicked out and stayed in our home. They laid in bed, on their phones, and watched TV. Neither got jobs or anything. The room was so bad that we got bugs and took us over $2000 to get them out. How do you get kids to fend for themselves and move on with life?"
– Mamas Uncut Community Member
Community Advice for This Mom Who Wants to Teach Her Grown Stepchildren to Fend for Themselves
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
Advice Summary
The community offered this mom in need a lot of great advice. Read some of their responses below.
"Tell them to get the hell out. 22 and still not attempting to be an adult. Nah, you're adult enough to drag partners in here, you’re old enough to help out with bills. Never mind the fact they’re trashing your home and apparently don’t care."
"Pack their belongings an change the locks."
"At 22, you need to make them get a game plan: 1) we will help you only if you continue your colleges studies, 2) get a job at McDonald's and pay us 30% of your paycheck, 3) you have 90 days to make the above happen or you will be kicked out."
"You make them get jobs and stuff. You tell them what they’re doing in your house. They are old enough to take care of themselves. If you and your husband aren’t making them do anything then why would they?!"
"You sit them down and say, we can not afford to support you or your girlfriend go to school or get a job or you need to find another place to live. You are messy and unhygienic if you want to live that way fine, but it won't be here. You have one month. By one month if they have not made a change pack their stuff and kick them out."
"Cut the cord. Literally kick them out. Pack their stuff and assist in putting them out. If need be call local law enforcement for expedited fast assistance."
"Make them get out. Or make it unbearable to live there. Chores. They have to have jobs. Deadlines. You're just enabling them at this point."
"I say you start with the job stuff, make them pay rent, and get super affectionate with your guy. The combination of uncomfortable and responsibility of paying rent anyway will help them go without too much distress in the family."
"Kick them out. They will not do for themselves if someone else is doing for them."
"So this girl’s parents were so sick of her behavior, they put her out. To which you decided to take on this problem. But you can’t figure out where you went wrong? They fend for themselves by being given written 30 days notice and then put out."
"Those are not kids. Those are adults. The question is 'how do you get parents to stand up for themselves?'"
"Charge them rent and if they don’t pay evicted them! Tough love! I know it’s hard but it works! They may be mad for a little while but in the end, they will be thankful for it! No one lives for free!"
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